<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Take me as I am by therainbowbutterfly7</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29559150">Take me as I am</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/therainbowbutterfly7/pseuds/therainbowbutterfly7'>therainbowbutterfly7</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>5 Seconds of Summer (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2014, 21 Questions, Cute, First Crush, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jealousy, M/M, My First Fanfic, No Smut, One-Sided Attraction, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmates, there might be smut in the future but we'll see, what am I doing with my life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:26:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29559150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/therainbowbutterfly7/pseuds/therainbowbutterfly7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2014 and Luke and Michael decide to play 21 questions when a certain question comes up. I'm bad at summaries but basically Muke af and I might write a bit of Cashton too Idk :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Wanna Get Back to Where We Started</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_addict0613/gifts">coffee_addict0613</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ok so this is like my first time ever when it comes to creative writing, so if it's bad don't be mean (Feedback is appreciated though). Also, I'm going to be assigning each chapter a song bc I think it just helps the overall mood. Also worth noting that the title for each chapter will be part of the lyrics form the song assigned to it.</p><p>Song for this chapter: San Francisco - 5SOS</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Do you see that?" Michael asked with a low voice; not low enough to be a whisper, but soft enough for it to be unexpectedly endearing, considering the simple question he was asking. Luke who was lying on the grass next to him furrowed his brows in confusion.</p><p>"The stars you mean or..?</p><p>"No Luke," Michael rolled his eyes "I meant the alien spaceship flying above us."</p><p>"Wow you're mean"</p><p>"and your dumb"</p><p>"hey!"</p><p>They both giggled at the realization of how childish their banter sounded. Although to a stranger it might seem like they were constantly bothering each other, to them, it was a matter of being entirely comfortable in one another's presence. After all, they are best friends. They were both star gazing-although Michael refused to call it that- in Luke's backyard. They had both been planning to hang out for some time now. They really missed each other's company. Ever since the band started taking off, every aspect of their lives was becoming more serious, and they needed an escape. Every day now consisted of activities like band practice, songwriting sessions, and interviews. All moments where they were in the same room, but never really <em>together</em>. That's why it had been so important to them to finally have some time for themselves, to reminisce on what life used to be back when they were just a couple of kids from Sidney with high hopes and big dreams, to re-light the spark that made them become friends in the first place.</p><p>Luke lifted his arms and tucked them under his head to serve as a makeshift pillow. He looked up, admiring the night above them as a Blink-182 song played in the background, drowning out any distraction from the outside world. The sky above them was a sea of darkness decorated with bright stars and distant planets. It all seemed so magical... "It's beautiful" Luke thought to himself. He'd never expected to become one of those people who would enjoy life for the small things. He had previously always felt the need to be productive in some way. He needed his time to be entirely consumed by daily activities. In a way, it was his form of coping with anxiety because once there were no distractions, his mind would start going all sorts of places.. and once it started, it wouldn't stop. As for Michael, it was the complete opposite. The band's hectic new schedule was draining. He would wake up late, and go to sleep even later. It wasn't necessarily lazy, he just found himself feeling tired most of the time; lacking the energy and motivation to do anything. Even simple tasks like getting out of bed took effort. Of course, at times neither of the boys were left to choose what their day would look like and what they'd be able to do, since management dictated more and more of their schedules as their popularity grew. To Luke, this was both a blessing and a curse. He felt the need to be in control of his own life, but at the same time, that discomfort made moments like these much more special. When things are frequent, they lose their glamour. They become normal. No longer exclusive, no longer special, no longer meaningful.</p><p>The peaceful silence was interrupted by a door bell.</p><p>"Pizza!" Michael exclaimed almost instinctively while beginning to get up with a silly grin plastered on his face, offering Luke his hand to help him up.</p><p>"Finally! I'm starving" The blue-eyed boy replied with a sigh of relief, taking Michael's hand and hurrying toward the door.</p><p>---</p><p>After eating, they had gone upstairs to Luke's room. It was practical, nothing really too interesting, apart from a few band posters scattered across the walls; the white walls that depending who they held, could be either cold or serene. In one corner of the bedroom was a bed with a nightstand at its left side, on which Luke's guitar was leaning. Earlier that day, they had already played every single game they could find in the worn out playstation. It had a few years too many and was definitely not up-to date with the newest technological advancements. Luke could easily afford to buy the newest model. In fact, he was about to a few months ago, but then made the last minute decision that it just held too many memories for him to simply throw it away. It seemed like a frivolous thing, but in a world with so many changes, he wanted to keep at least one thing that reminded him of home. It was the same with his friends. He wondered how he ever got so lucky to meet all three of them. Luke was a bit skeptical when it came to things like fate, but if the universe had indeed planned this, he was forever grateful.</p><p>Ugh, I'm so bored" Michael threw himself on the bed and sighed, "Is there anything we can do?"</p><p>"I don't even know anymore," Luke sat next to him and smiled awkwardly, feeling just as bored "I'm pretty sure we've done everything there is to do"</p><p>"There has to be something" the green eyed boy replied, sitting to face his friend. "I mean, we haven't really caught up since going on tour" he continued "ugh but talking is boring too!" he brought his hands to his face in mild frustration until Luke interrupted him.</p><p>"I mean, if you wanna catch up, we can play 21 questions."</p><p>"sure" Michael sat up, relieved that he wasn't going to suffer death by boredom, "how do we play though?"</p><p>"What?!" Luke let out a laugh, surprised that his friend didn't know the game worked. "You don't know how to play?"</p><p>"uh.. No"</p><p>"Okay so basically, you get to ask me 21 questions and I have to answer all of them. Then I get to ask you 21 questions, and you have to answer each one." he raised his hand and pointed a finger directly at Michael "Oh and no cheating! you have to say the truth, even if it's super embarrassing. I don't care if it's a secret, you still need to answer"</p><p>"Is that it?"</p><p>"Yeah, pretty much" Luke said, trying to remember if he'd forgotten anything.</p><p>"Ok I'll ask first" Michael began, "between Cal, Ash, and me..." he paused briefly to think "Who's your favorite?"</p><p>"Michael, do you want me to break up the band or something?! I can't-"</p><p>"You still have to answer! You said it yourself."</p><p>"Ugh fine..." he sighed, crossing his arms and pouting "probably...Cal"</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"Well you wanted me to be honest!"</p><p>"Okay, then" Michael rolled his eyes, "Next question: what's your all time favorite song?"</p><p>"uhh...I don't really know... there's so many."</p><p>"How?-" he took in a deep breath and continued "What's your favorite album then?"</p><p>"Uh... I don't have one."</p><p>"Favorite movie?"</p><p>"I don't-"</p><p>"Favorite videogame?!"</p><p>Luke shook his head. He'd always been bad at picking favorites, but maybe, just maybe, he <em>did</em> know the answers. It wasn't fear of judgement holding him back, he just wanted to answer something that would impress Michael. He scared himself at that realization. He was never one to try to please others when it came to small stuff like this, but then again, so much time had gone by since they had a whole day to themselves that perhaps it had always been this way and Luke just hadn't noticed until now. Or perhaps, this was their new normal; the new reality they weren't yet accustomed to.</p><p>"Ask good questions."</p><p>"How am I supposed to know what a 'good question' is?"</p><p>"I don't know, maybe try asking something that isn't completely subjective."</p><p>Michael thought for a second, and smirked when he had an idea "First time with a girl?"</p><p>Luke felt his cheeks burning. He was sure he'd turned red immediately, and the awkward silence that followed didn't help at all. Looking down, he managed to mumble a few words.</p><p>"I've never..."</p><p>"Oh- then first kiss?"</p><p>"Yeah...no..."</p><p>"Wait, really?"</p><p>"I don't wanna keep playing" Luke said as he turned, moving to the edge of the bed to stand up</p><p>"Luke, I didn't mean to- I mean- There's no shame in- I-" Michael tried to get the blond's attention to no avail. He stood up and grabbed Luke by the wrist, turning him. They were now facing each other, Luke still trying to avoid any eye contact. When he finally looked up, Michael could see there were tears in the younger boy's eyes. His heart sunk. "It's ok" Michael said softly, letting go of Luke's wrist "I haven't either."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I'll Be Your Experiment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok so so this chapter is a bit shorter than I'd like it to be, but I have a bunch of stuff to do this next week so I thought I'd finish this chapter today. Also, don't worry, you'll be getting more Ashton soon :)</p><p>~ Song for this chapter: Blondes - Peach PRC ~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luke's cheeks were now stained with tears. He felt so embarrassed. At Michael's confession there was no sigh of relief; He felt like he was standing before a stranger.</p><p>"Hey, Luke," Michael began to say as he lifted the boy's chin to meet his gaze "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you feel bad"</p><p>"It's fine." Luke mumbled under his breath.</p><p>"No, it's not, I shouldn't have asked that. It's none of my business."</p><p>"I'm gonna go change now" The blond boy replied, with a half attempt at hiding his shaky voice, as he quietly exited the bedroom.</p><p>Michael was now alone, staring at the ceiling. He felt horrible. Luke was one of the people he loved the most, well, not <em>loved</em>- at least that's what he told himself. There had always been a special connection between them from the start. When they met, a bond of understanding and caring was formed. Sure, Michael liked Ashton and Calum, even though he might secretly be a bit jealous of how happy they are together. In fact, they were some of the best guys he'd ever met, but with Luke, it had always been different. Right from the start he felt the need to protect him from the world. They didn't depend each other. They didn't depend on <em>anyone</em>, but life was so much better with Luke. It's almost as if Michael had forgotten how life was before his best friend. The same friend who he just embarrassed over a dumb game... Michael wanted to make it up to him. He <em>had</em> to do something, but what? Right when he was getting lost in a sea of thought, the door opened. Luke walked in wearing his favorite t-shirt (he'd actually stole it from Michael last year) and a pair of gray sweatpants.</p><p>"Are you gonna change in the bathroom or..?" The blond asked.</p><p>"Nah, that's too much work, might as well just change here." Michael stood up from the bed, as he took off his shirt. He started unzipping his jeans and smirked when he noticed Luke was staring at him. "Oh- right" Luke said turning around to give the older boy some privacy.</p><p>"Dude," Michael let out a laugh, "you're acting like you've never seen me naked before."</p><p>With this, Luke turned around. Michael was wearing nothing but boxers and <em>God</em>, he was beautiful. The dim light highlighted the outlines of his body perfectly, and shone on the porcelain skin. His lips were probably as red as Luke's cheeks were at the sight. Michael was right, this entire situation felt way too awkward when they'd seen much more of each other before. This time though, it was different, much more intimate.</p><p>"So, about earlier," Luke began, trying to avoid the fact that a certain green-eyed boy was almost naked in front of him, "don't worry about it. Seriously, it's not a big deal, I don't know why I got so fucking emotional." Michael looked at him like he was waiting for some reasoning behind this sudden change of heart, "I guess," Luke continued, "sometimes it just makes me feel kinda bad how Ash and Cal seem to have this perfect relationship, and I haven't even had my first kiss yet... I know it's dumb but it still hurts you know?"</p><p>"Yeah, I get it, but if we spend all our time focusing on what we wish we could have with other people, then we'll never have anything of our own. Besides, it's just a kiss, it doesn't mean anything."</p><p>"But that's the thing," he took a step forward, "it might not mean anything to you, but it does to me."</p><p>"But why?" the tone in Michel's voice was confused, rather than angry, "I don't get the whole 'first kiss' thing. I haven't had mine yet, and I'm probably gonna be the exact same person when I do."</p><p>"But wouldn't you like to?" Luke asked shyly.</p><p>"I guess, yeah" Michael shrugged his shoulders, "but I still don't really care about it being with 'the perfect person' or at this like super fancy place and stuff like that. That's all just a bunch of crap."</p><p>"If you don't care who it's with," Tears were making their way down his cheeks by now, "then kiss <em>me.</em>"</p><p>"But, Luke, why would you want me to-"</p><p>He was cut off by Luke's soft lips on his. Michael, pulled away from the kiss in complete shock. He had not expected this at all.</p><p>"Oh my God," Luke began apologizing once he realized what had just happened, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-" but before he could be could say anything else, he felt Michael kiss him back. The older boy pressed his body against Luke's, while the blond ran his fingers through Michael's dyed hair, his hands trailing down to the other boy's neck and down to his bare back. The kiss itself wasn't incredible, but it wasn't horrible either. Especially since neither of them had any previous experiences to compare it to. It was more about <em>who</em> it was with.</p><p>"There," Michael pulled away from Luke "you don't have to worry about having your first kiss anymore... And neither do I, I guess."</p><p>Luke nodded, still trying to process what he had just experienced. He was surprised at himself for even suggesting the idea, and even more for actually enjoying it. It was almost as if he didn't need anyone else to kiss him just for him to know there's no one who he'd rather have done that with.</p><p>Neither of them said a word the next day about what happened that night. Michael had probably even forgotten about it, Luke thought to himself. However, that wasn't the case. He'd kissed Luke just to prove a point, not because he wanted to, but what if he <em>did</em> want to do it? And what if he wanted to do it again? So many thoughts were rushing through his mind. He was certain Luke hadn't enjoyed it nearly as much as he had. Michael needed to talk to someone about this, but it definitely was not going to be Luke. He thought of calling Ashton but even though they were good friends, he didn't feel entirely comfortable talking to him about this specific subject. He needed some one else. "Cal! I can call Calum!" he thought. But he wasn't even sure that Calum could understand how he felt, since Ashton had always liked him back. The pair seemed so painfully perfect. It was almost like love at first sight (If it even exists). Their relationship appeared to be something out of a movie scene; they were perfect for each other, and Michael was happy for them. But sometimes, maybe he wished he had someone like that. And yeah, it was fun to make jokes, and flirt around not giving a fuck about labels, but what if he wanted more? He wanted to be loved for who he was without having to change himself for that person. He wanted someone who he could date, but still be friends with; someone who really understood him. He wanted... well, someone like Luke. Having no one to talk to about it, like with many other things, he kept to himself, adding the weight of one more secret to all those he already held.</p><hr/><p>A few days had gone by, the band was still on a small break between tours, and nothing interesting had really happened since. Everything appeared to be just fine. Luke and Ashton had gone to the studio to work on a song Idea, so Michael and Calum decided it'd be nice to go for a walk just to get some fresh air. They had gone to a nearby park which had a stone trail lined with colorful flowers. The sun was shining bright and there were barely any clouds in the sky. It was a beautiful day.</p><p>The two boys had been walking for a few minutes now, debating which team would win tonight's football match. There was a brief moment where only the wind's whispers could be heard, other than the faint sound of laughing children coming from the playground they were walking past. Michael took this opportunity to say what has been bothering him since that night.</p><p>"Hey, Cal?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Can I talk to you about something?"</p><p>"Yeah, of course," Calum saw the worry in the other boy's eyes, "you know you can always talk to me about anything."</p><p>They stopped walking and sat on a wooden bench besides the trail. It had at least 10 different sets of initials carved into its sides. Michael's mind quickly wondered what it would be like to have his initials next to Luke's written there too.</p><p>"Mike?"</p><p>"Oh, right." he said, snapping out of his daydream.</p><p>"So basically, there's something I need your advice with..." He looked at Calum who was listening attentively, "So a few days ago, Luke and I were hanging out and we started to play this stupid game where you have to ask each other a bunch of questions, and think I might've gone too far with it."</p><p>"Well, what did you ask him?"</p><p>"I- I asked about his first time with a girl." Michael replied with expected hesitation.</p><p>"What's so bad about that?" Calum laughed.</p><p>"That he said he'd never done that, so I asked about his first kiss, and he said he'd never done that either, and he was so upset afterwards... I made him cry, Cal..."</p><p>"Oh-"</p><p>"And that's not even the worst part! I was changing in his room so he turned around because he wanted to give me some privacy, right? So I told him not to act so weird because it's not like he hasn't seen me in my underwear before, so then he turned around." Calum nodded to let him know he was listening, "He looked at me for a few moments and then started to explain why he had been so upset about the question." Michael made sure to leave out the parts about being jealous of Cal and Ash's relationship, "So he kept talking about how important having like the 'perfect first kiss' was to him, and I though that was dumb so I told him that it doesn't really mean anything-" Michael was cut off by his own sobs. He now had to talk about the part that had hurt him most, and was finding it hard to continue the conversation. "So he told me that if it didn't mean anything, then why didn't I kiss <em>him..."</em></p><p>Their conversation was beginning to get louder, attracting strange, questioning looks from people walking by.</p><p>"Is that it it?" Calum asked in a comforting voice, gently rubbing Michael's back.</p><p>"No-" he began to speak between sobs, finding it hard to catch his breath, "Then he k-kissed me."</p><p>The younger boy lifted his eyebrows in shock.</p><p>"He kissed m- me, and then he st- started apologizing about everything." Michael wiped away his own tears with the sleeves of his shirt, "So then, I kissed him back, you know, to prove my point that first kisses mean absolutely nothing and are just a load of shit... And, uh, we haven't talked about it since."</p><p>"What's so wrong about that? I mean, you said it didn't mean anything." Calum asked softly.</p><p>"It wasn't <em>supposed</em> to mean anything. But what if I liked it, Cal?" Tears now ran down his face again, "What if I really liked it?"</p><p>Before the other boy could respond, Michael was already hugging him, needing at least some comfort from his friend. His sobs were now muffled by Calum's gray sweater which felt incredibly soft pressed against his cheek.</p><p>"It's okay, Mikey. It's gonna be okay"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave kudos if you liked this chapter! There's definitely going to be a third one so subscribe to the story if you're interested in seeing what happens next, and feel free to follow me on Wattpad @therainbowbutterfly7 </p><p>If you have any feedback on the story, or any predictions as to what you think will happen, please comment :) Also, I've been looking for new music recently, any recommendations?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. We Can Be Anything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok sorry this one took me a while haha school has not been on my side recently. Anyways, I started the chapter off with some Cashton to make up for it :)</p><p>|Song for this chapter: Halloween - Phoebe Bridgers|</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you gonna dress up as something for tomorrow?"</p><p>"I'm just here to help you pick out your costume."</p><p>"Ummm yea I asked you to come with me, but I don't want to be the only one who dresses up." "Isn't Halloween for little kids?"</p><p>"Oh c'mon Ash, it's the only day of the year where you can be anything you wanna be!" Calum said as he picked up two more pieces from the clothes rack to try on.</p><p>"But I'm already everything I could ever want..."</p><p>"Yeah? And what's that?"</p><p>Ashton smiled,</p><p>"Your boyfriend."</p><p>With that, Calum turned to face the older boy and threw the two costumes, still on the hangers, at Ashton's chest. He did this while pretending not to blush at the words most people would find cheesy, but he actually found quite sweet. He loved everything his boyfriend did.</p><p>After hours of Calum trying on different costumes, and Ashton asking if they could go home, they finally decided on something to purchase. They were now driving to their house. Although they each had their own places, Cal stayed over at Ash's house so much that it was almost like he lived there as well.</p><p>In the car, they were debating whether they should get ice cream. Calum said they deserved it after working so hard on finding a good costume, while Ashton argued that for that same reason they should just go to his place and rest.</p><p>"It's decided. We're getting Ice cream." Calum said with his hands firmly on the stirring wheel.</p><p>"Ugh, you're lucky I love you" the older boy said, rolling his eyes "I don't think anyone else could put up with you."</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>They both laughed</p><p>"Should we text Luke and Michael to see if they want anything?" Calum asked.</p><p>"Nah, I don't think they would."</p><p>"Are you just saying that because you don't want to go drop it off at their houses?"</p><p>"Maybe."</p><p>"Well okay then."</p><p>There was a brief pause where only the sounds of the busy street could be heard.</p><p>"Hey speaking of Luke and Mike..." Ashton began to ask, "What's up with them? They've been acting kinda weird recently."</p><p>"uh..." Calum contemplated what to say. Michael hadn't said anything about the situation being a secret. But then again, wasn't that somewhat implied anyways?</p><p>"They're, um, working some stuff out." Calum finally responded.</p><p>"Oh, ok." Ashton made an effort to suppress his curiosity on the matter, "That reminds me, when Luke and I went to the studio, we were working on this song and he told me he was going to take a quick break, but that if I wanted to keep working on it then he had a few ideas in his notebook and that I could take a look."</p><p>Calum had a bad feeling about where this story was going.</p><p>Ashton continued,</p><p>"So I accidentally dropped the notebook when I went to pick it up, and a few pages fell out. I started to try and place them back, but one caught my eye because it looked like it had tear stains or something like that."</p><p><em>"Oh no"</em> Calum thought to himself.</p><p>"It had something that wasn't like most of the other stuff he's written for the band before, so I'm assuming it wasn't meant to be a song in the first place-"</p><p>"What was it?" The younger of the two boys interrupted.</p><p>"I think it might've been a poem, but I'm not sure."</p><p>"And did you read it?"</p><p>"Well kinda... I took a picture of it because Luke entered the room right when I picked up the paper. As soon as he saw the page I was holding, he ripped it from my hands without offering an explanation. I was trying to be quick so the picture's a bit blurred, and that's why I need you to help me."</p><p>"Help how, exactly?"</p><p>"By figuring out what the poem says using that picture." Ashton turned to face Calum, "Are you up for the challenge?"</p><p>"Always."</p><hr/><p>After multiple pages of scribbled nonsense, and sharing an ice cream cone, Ashton and Calum had finally managed to write down what they thought was on the page. Either they had done a horrible job at it, or this was what it actually said:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>more than I dare to show</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>more than you'll ever know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you, but</em>
</p><p>
  <em>it's been engraved in my soul</em>
</p><p>
  <em>there's a possibility you don't feel the same</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It hurts</em>
</p><p>
  <em>to think you don't smile when you hear my name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurts</em>
</p><p>
  <em>that there's certain words I'll never hear you say</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurts, but</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I still wish to be a good friend, even if</em>
</p><p>
  <em>my love knows no boundaries or ends</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's sad</em>
</p><p>
  <em>looking back at the messages I never sent</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's sad</em>
</p><p>
  <em>that we're only perfect inside my head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's sad, but</em>
</p><p>
  <em>even then I hope you know,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you more than the moon could ever glow.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Cal, we probably read something wrong. There's no way Luke wrote this... Like, why does he feel like that? And most importantly, <em>who</em> made him feel like that?" Ashton pondered.</p><p>Calum thought for a moment, "I think I might know..."</p><hr/><p>Luke hadn't seen Michael in the last couple of days, but he told himself that whenever they saw each other again, he'd act like nothing was different. It took all of him to not talk to anyone about what had happened; he didn't want to risk their friendship. Even if that meant distancing himself from the person he'd felt like he'd known for his entire life, the one person who could make him smile and cry at the same time, the only one who could make him feel loved.</p><p>The band was going to get together to go trick-or-treating. In all honesty, they only agreed because they wanted Calum to stop begging them to do so. Plus, it'd be a nice opportunity for them to spend some time together. Not for work, for fun.</p><p>Calum was going to be dressed as a random super hero no one knew the name of, Ashton was going as himself, Michael was just going to wear some face paint so that no one could complain about him not having enough "halloween spirit", and Luke, well, he still in his room trying to figure out what he was going to wear.</p><p>Luke finally decided that it wasn't even worth putting in the effort, so he went out wearing what he would any other day.</p><p>They all met up at Ashton's house.</p><p>"Ha! I knew you wouldn't wear anything, so I came prepared." Calum announced as soon as he saw Luke, "Wait here." He rushed into his car and brought out a small bag. He ran back to the other boys. "Here, put this on." he said handing the youngest boy the bag. Luke took it, pulling out a pair of pink kitty ears.</p><p>"You actually want me to wear this?" Luke questioned, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Without hesitation, Calum took the accessory from the blond's hands and placed it on his head. "Yes."</p><p>"Okay, now let's go then." Ashton said, holding in his laugh.</p><p>They walked around the neighborhood's streets as a group, going up to houses for candy, and taking pictures here and there. Calum and Ashton were now walking hand in hand, somewhat leaving the other two boys behind.</p><p>"So..." Luke tried to start conversation to break the awkward tension between them, "How have you been?"</p><p>"Uh, I've been fine, nothing interesting really." Michael lied, "How are <em>you</em> doing?"</p><p>"Well I was doing fine until Calum made me wear this" Luke pointed to the pink cat ears on his head, and they both let out a soft chuckle.</p><p>"They're not that bad" Michael said, still laughing.</p><p>"Umm Yes, they most definitely are- Like c'mon, I probably look so stupid right now" Luke replied, smile fading, as he brought his hands to his head, taking off the cat ears.</p><p>"No," Michael grabbed the accessory, and gingerly placed it back on Luke's head. He took a few steps back to see the boy more clearly, making Luke blush at the attention he was being given.</p><p>Michael smiled,</p><p>"You look...<em>pretty.</em>"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave kudos, and if you have any feedback feel free to comment. Also, you can find me on Wattpad @therainbowbutterfly7 where you can find the link for the playlist with the songs for all the chapters so far. Love y'all :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Did You Mean It When You Said I Was Pretty?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: ANXIETY ATTACK<br/>(it's not that detailed, but I still wanted to give a heads up)</p><p>~Song for this chapter: 1950 - King Princess~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"you look... pretty."</em>
</p><p>That's all Luke had been able to think about when he tried to go to sleep that night.</p><p>
  <em>Pretty..? Pretty what?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Did he mean pretty hot? Or perhaps pretty cute?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or just "pretty"?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Had he even meant it at all?</em>
</p><p>A part of Luke didn't want to know; he didn't want to be let down. He was worrying he was coming to conclusions as he always did, but at the same time, the other half of him needed to find out what Michael had meant by that.</p><p><em>"He- He thinks I'm pretty."</em> Luke smiled to himself. He wanted to believe it, he really did.</p><hr/><p>"We, uh, we need to talk." Michael said as he sat next to Luke on the couch.</p><p>Luke agreed, panicked. He knew where this was going.</p><p>"Um so about whatever <em>this</em>" Michael motioned the space between them, "is-"</p><p>"Actually," Luke began, "I've been meaning to talk to you about that too."</p><p>"Oh." The older boy's face froze, "You go first then."</p><p>"No, no, it's okay, you had already started speaking.."</p><p>There was a brief moment of silence where the air appeared heavier and harder to breath by the second.</p><p>"That night meant nothing right?"</p><p>"I think I like- Oh." Luke's heart sunk. "Yeah of course it meant nothing..." He managed to say as his eyes began to water at the words.</p><p>"Cool. I was just worried you were gonna make a big deal out of it or something"</p><p>"Why-" It took every muscle in Luke's body not break down then and there. He bit his lip to distract himself. "Why would I?"</p><p>"Oh, no, I just thought since it was your first kiss and all that, then you'd think I had a crush on you or some shit like that."</p><p>"But I was your first too, right?" The younger boy whispered, tears painting his cheeks with regret.</p><p>Michael purposely ignored Luke's crying; he wanted to pretend everything was alright.</p><p>"No, you weren't."</p><p>The cold words tumbled from green eyed boy's lips and that was it. Luke had had enough of this. He stormed off, and as he was walking up the stairs he heard a voice call at him. This time it seemed much more truthful than it had in their entire conversation.</p><p>"Luke- Wait! Let me explain-"</p><p>"No, Michael, You <em>lied</em> to me!"</p><p>Luke slammed the door to his room shut and made sure to lock it, throwing himself on the floor.</p><p>"I <em>trusted</em> you." he whispered, but no one was there to listen.</p><p>The more he thought about it the worse it felt. It was like whenever something good happened, when he though he finally had a chance, it was all taken away faster that he thought possible. And it hurt. It fucking hurt.</p><p>Luke was now sobbing, getting lost in a hurricane of memories and imaginary scenarios. His breathing quickened as he tried desperately to calm down and stop his train of thought.</p><p>"why does this happen to me?"</p><p>Luke clenched his fists, feeling his whole body tense,</p><p>"It's all my fault"</p><p>He brought his trembling hands to his hair needing something to hold on to,</p><p>"He-" The boy felt a sharp pain in his chest, "He hates me"</p><p>Luke lay there on his bedroom floor crying for longer than he could keep track of. After calming down, he was so tired he'd fallen asleep then and there.</p><p>He was awoken the next morning by his phone wringing. It was Calum. He hung up, and silenced the device to prevent any further disruptions, dragging himself into bed to sleep a few more hours.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok so I know you might be wondering wtf just happened, but I promise it'll make sense in the next chapters. Also, stick around bc I might be updating soon since this chapter is pretty short.</p><p>any feedback, comments, shares, and kudos are appreciated :)</p><p>Feel free to follow me on wattpad @therainbowbutterfly7 <br/>The link to this fic's playlist is on my wattpad bio so go check it out!</p><p>love u besties</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. That's Just How it Is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this part took so long haha. Hope u enjoy &lt;3</p><p>~Song for this chapter: Stay Numb and Carry On - Madison Beer~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's not answering." Calum said, looking up at the two other boys who were in the studio with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You wouldn't happen to know anything about what happened to Luke, right?" Ashton asked, glancing at Michael.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh, no, why would I?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know you've been acting strange all morning, and the other day Cal and I found something in Luke's-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Umm I think we should get back to work guys-" Calum interrupted with nervous laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You found what?" Michael asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing." Calum looked at Ashton with wide eyes, "We found nothing at all" he sharply declared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ashton, what did you find?" Michael asked again, in a stronger tone, ignoring his friends' failed attempt at covering up the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fine." Calum sighed, "We found a poem in Luke's songwriting notebook, and we're pretty sure it's about you. You know... considering... what you told me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael looked directly at Calum, then at Ashton, and back to Calum once again in a questioning manner. "You told him?!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I- I tried not to, but he was so worried about Luke that I just- I don't know, I thought it would be better if he had some context." the tan boy replied, lowering his gaze, "I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Great- just great" Michael replied with a sigh, "Now Luke's gonna hate me even more than he probably already does!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey," Ashton began, "knowing Luke, I don't think he hates you, he probably just needs some time to process what happened."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael cupped his own face in his hands, "He hates me, that's a fact."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why would he? It's just a misunderst-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because I told him that it meant nothing, that he wasn't my first kiss even after I said he was, and that he meant absolutely nothing to me!" He was screaming by now, leaving Ashton and Calum shocked and slightly intimidated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You what?!" Calum burst out</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael sat back down and took a deep breath, "What the fuck else was I supposed to do?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh, I don't know, maybe not be so blunt about the whole thing?? Because it's pretty fuckin' clear you like him, and he likes you too, so why would you even say that? If you're not ready to be in a relationship or anything of that sort, you should've just talked to him like a normal person."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not about that, Calum." Michael struggled to stop tears from spilling down his cheeks; he knew he shouldn't care this much... or maybe he should've cared a bit more. Either way, there was no going back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then what exactly is it about? You two could've had something special. I see the way you look at each other, you can't deny there's something there." He looked at Ashton with a slight smile, "We've been there."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was the tipping point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"NO!" Michael shot up from his chair, "YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL! YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD ASHTON, AND HE'S ALWAYS HAD YOU, SO DON'T HIT ME WITH THE WE'VE BEEN THERE BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE!" With that, he walked out of the studio slamming the door behind him, leaving his two friends in suck in a haze of confusion, anger, and pity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been about three days since Luke had left his house. Most of the time he spent curled up in his bed, watching Netflix or using some sort of distraction as a coping mechanism. What he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> do, was let himself think. If he did, he knew it would all go downhill from there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything seemed to be going fine at first, so what happened? Where did Luke go wrong that made Michael just snap? Or had it perhaps been what he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> done that had been so damaging to their relationship? The tension was killing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The phone rang. It was Ashton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Luke, how are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Michael send you to talk to me?” Luke hadn’t meant to come off as mean; he’d accidentally thought out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I just wanted to check up on you. We miss hanging out with you, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, a second- </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought. “Ugh!” Luke grabbed the pillow next to him and buried his face there, his words muffled by the silky white fabric that not long ago was soaked in his own tears. “They told you everything didn't they?” He managed to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… About that,” Ashton began, his voice seeming surprisingly apologetic, rather than angry which Luke was thankful for. “I just wanted to offer you some advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” he sighed, “go ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re probably blaming yourself for this, but i need you to understand, it’s not your fault.” Ashton took a deep breath and continued, “It’s hard to hear such hard things from others, especially when it’s someone you love-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love is different for everyone, Luke. I’m not going to sit here and give you a speech on the meaning on love because that would just be cheesy as fuck, but know that there’s more to it than just the romantic side. For example, you love your family, but you’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>in</span>
  </em>
  <span> love with them. It’s relative.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Luke replied, “for everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a brief moment of awkward silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, Luke,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I just need some time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Take care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for the support guys! I'm gonna try to update more frequently haha. Thank you to Lauren, my new editor &lt;3 Shares, comments, and kudos are appreciated :) Feel free to follow me on Wattpad if you want to show this story some love over there too! my @ is therainbowbutterfly7 and if you want to follow my ot9 fan acc on instgram, then that's @mscliffordtomlinson love ya guys</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. They Weren't You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know i said I'd be better at updating but umm yeah... Anyways I hope you like this one and um if you wanna follow irl sarah on insta her handle is @ dilfmikey her memes are top tier &lt;3</p><p>Song for this chapter: nothing else i could do - Ella Jane</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Luke walked through the door and was greeted by flashing lights, loud music, and the strong scent of alcohol. It seemed like any other party he’d been to, and he hoped it would stay that way; he wasn’t looking for any sort of confrontation. He scanned the room, looking for anyone he might happen to know, but he seemed to be all alone in this sea of sweaty, dancing bodies. He threw himself on a nearby sofa, and began to scroll on his phone. Pictures of people he hadn’t seen in months lit up the screen. It was a strange feeling, to know that so you had been a part of so many people’s lives, but they might not even remember you. Not your face, your laugh, not even your name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He texted Ashton.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Luke: Are you guys gonna get here soon?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ashton: Cal and I are running a little late, but we should be there in a minute or two</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Luke: I’m so bored </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ashton: You know you can actually talk to people right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Luke: Fine, just don’t take too long </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned the phone off and placed it in his back pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared up at the ceiling where he could see the reflections of colorful lights all across the living room. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why would Michael throw a party if he’s not even going to be there?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A girl sat down next to him. Her wavy hair was the same color as her bright red lipstick, and she was wearing a black leather mini skirt with a matching blazer and crop top underneath, paired with doc martens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed, “I seriously don’t get why so many people like this stuff- like- you could just stay at home and watch a movie or some shit. No need to go to a party where they’re not even playing good music...But, my friends dragged me here so I can’t leave until they do, ” She glanced at Luke, “How about you? What are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke didn’t know what to say; he wasn’t in the headspace for meeting new people. “I’m waiting for my friends to get here.” he said, trying to avoid eye contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” She turned to him and smiled. “I’m Sarah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you, Sarah” He hesitated, “I’m Luke” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still smiling, she offered him her hand. “Nice to meet you, Luke”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a brief moment of awkward silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Luke, who’s this?” he heard a familiar voice from behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank God you’re finally here </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Luke could say anything, she got up and introduced herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gotta go, my friends are waiting for me” she explained, “It was nice meeting you guys!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waved and disappeared into the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems nice.” Calum said teasingly </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> date her then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Calum Laughed and looked at Ashton. “I don’t think Ash would be very happy with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke rolled his eyes in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw Michael, drink in his hand, talking to a group of girls. He contemplated going up to him. On one hand, he wanted to break the silence, and this was the perfect opportunity to put an end to the tension between them. On the other hand, he’d actually have to talk to Michael. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group of girls left.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke went up to him</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you doing this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doing what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He signaled to all the empty bottles scattered across the floor next to the sofa littered with people either passed out or drunk, “this!” tears were welling up behind his eyes by now, “All of this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Michael scoffed</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke grabbed him by the arm and pulled the both of them into the nearest empty room, slamming the door shut and locking it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Michael, I’m serious, what’s up with you? Everything was going just fine- wasn’t it? I thought you liked me-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think, Luke?” he took a small step forward “Do you really want to do this? You’re the reason everything went wrong in the first place! And now what? You’re asking me why I won’t date you?! Why? So that everyone can make fun of us?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would they-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because!” Michael burst out “Look at us!” his voice cracked “I can’t date you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who the fuck cares what other people think?! I like you, and you like me, that should be enough” Luke cried out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke, literally all of our fans are in love with you! We’d lose so many fans, and it wouldn’t be good for marketing purposes either-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so that’s it? No one even has to know what’s going on between us! Look at Cal and Ash!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the point of being with someone who you can’t even go out with?! Besides, I’m not taking any chances, it’s not going to be my fault if something goes wrong.” his voice trembled, “I’ve got to go.” Michael slammed the door behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were so many people in the house that Luke didn’t even want to leave the bedroom. He was lucky enough to have brought a pair of headphones with him, so he put them on and connected them to his phone. He needed a distraction. Now. As soon as the earpiece was plugged in, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just a Little Bit of Your Heart</span>
  </em>
  <span> by Ariana Grande started playing. Luke remembered walking in on Harry last year with tear-stained cheeks and his guitar on his lap as the words “I heard a little love is better than none” tumbled from his lips. Back then, Luke thought it was selfish and self-degrading to seek such attention and settle for so little, but now, it’s starting to make sense. Love isn’t an </span>
  <em>
    <span>all or nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> situation. To Harry and Louis it was about all the stolen glances, secret meetings, and cryptic lyrics. To them, what really mattered was that at least they weren’t completely separated. It could be worse, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke was sobbing by now, not even bothering trying to hide it since he knew the loud music would muffle the noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God- Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked it! Feel free to follow me on wattpad @therainbowbutterfly7 or on insta @mscliffordtomlinson Kudos, comments, and shares are appreciated! Love y'all :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I Don't Think You're Right For Him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey besties!! So I'm getting a bit better at updating. I wanted to get this chapter out ASAP so that's why it's a bit shorter than usual. Anyways Hope you enjoy!! </p><p>~song for this chapter: Ho Hey - The Lumineers~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Luke lifted his gaze when he heard the door, unable to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” She sat down next to him. “what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blue-eyed boy was still sobbing. Before Sarah could do or say anything else, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. Surprised, she hugged him back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Luke, It’s okay.” She whispered in a soft, comforting voice. They stayed there for a few moments until she noticed Luke had calmed down a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it?” The girl asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” He wiped away his own tears. “But thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Do you have anyone to take you home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” His voice was still trembling. “I’m leaving with my friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh okay, that’s good.” She got her phone from her purse and pulled up her contact information. “Here’s my number if you need anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait- </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luke thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is she trying to flirt with me? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They exchanged phone numbers and said their goodbyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah looked back before leaving, “You’ll text me, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Luke said almost instinctively with a monotone voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the way to drop off Luke at his house, Calum and Ashton could clearly see something was not right. Despite noticing obvious indicators, these being his tear-stained cheeks, blood-shot eyes, and even quieter than usual manner, they decided their friend had most likely been through enough already that night. Because of this, they kept quiet with the exception of occasional smalltalk every few minutes for the sole purpose of breaking the silence between the three of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the night was  a blur in Luke’s mind. He barely had any alcohol at the party but Michael’s words had gotten him more intoxicated than any drink could… And they </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span> more than any hangover possibly could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next morning Luke woke up to a text.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah: You really keep your promises, don’t you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke was confused; he’d just woken up, so how was he supposed to have messaged her earlier?- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at his phone again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh shit</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was almost 4:00pm.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my god- the interview- we have an interview today- I’m going to be so late</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumped off the bed and hurried to the bathroom for a quick shower. After that, he picked out the first clothes he could get a hold of and threw them on. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to be late for this. Sarah would have to wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that afternoon, Luke was back at his house. He was about to text Sarah when he got an incoming call from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay, thanks-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” She interrupted him, “I was calling because I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Not like a date or anything.” She quickly added. “It’s just- I moved here recently and I only have like two friends so I’m trying to get out there and meet some new people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a brief pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Were you thinking of any time and place in particular, or..?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. I guess you could just come over to my place. Is tomorrow good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. What time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t really matter, I’ll be at my house all day unpacking.” She laughed. “Just make sure to text me when you’re on your way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another moment of awkward silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About yesterday,” Luke began. “Thank you… Really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, it was no trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just- There’s this person I really liked and… You know what? They’re not worth my time. Forget about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess maybe they weren’t right for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I don’t want you to feel pressured to talk about it. I’m just glad you’re okay. If anything happens, you know you can just call me whenever, I won’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sarah, it really means a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hang out”? Did I just agree to go on a date? I mean, she said it wasn’t but isn’t that what everyone says? What am I going to do? I can’t just not show up, I already said I would go.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>With every thought Luke wished more and more he could’ve just said no.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> Okay okay, calm down. You need something to take your mind off of Michael; this might be a good thing. Besides, she seems nice. There’s nothing wrong with making a new friend, right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’ll be fun. You’ll have fun.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash?” Calum asked, turning to face his boyfriend and grabbing his attention, “What are we gonna do about Luke and Michael?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashton sighed, “I honestly honestly have no idea.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm curious to see where you guys think this will go so if you have any theories feel free to comment or dm me on insta @mscliffordtomlinson :) If you like this story and want to show it some extra love, you can follow me on Wattpad @therainbowbutterfly7 where I have the link to the soundtrack for this fic. Ty to everyone who's read so far!! Kudos are appreciated :) I love y'all &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. I Should Be Happy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oof sorry this one took a bit longer than expected. Hope you enjoy!! <br/>~song for this chapter: It's Not The Same Anymore - Rex Orange County~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Luke walked up to Sarah’s doorstep; she’d given him the address that morning. He knocked on the door and waited. He heard a voice from inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That did not sound like Sarah. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh... It’s Luke… Hemmings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no- that’s not Sarah. Fuck fuck fuck-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh um, I think I’m at the wrong house, sorry.” He took a deep breath, “Do you happen to know where someone called Sarah lives? I’m pretty sure it’s around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The person laughed, and looked back inside the house. “Sarah! Are you expecting a ‘Luke’?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” a voice called from inside the house, followed by the sound of footsteps down the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then, I guess you are at the right place… I’m Ella,” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Luke!” Sarah appeared from behind the other girl, “I’m guessing you already met Ella, my girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice meeting you, Ella” Luke smiled awkwardly, and followed them inside the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As you can see,” Sarah began, signaling at the pile of boxes in the corner of the living room, “We’re still unpacking. I just finished cleaning and organizing my room, so we can just go there I guess.” She laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke followed her upstairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay so you don’t have to worry about her making a move on you, she’s already dating someone. I’m so stupid. Why did I even think that she liked me in the first place? No one does. At least, not anyone who actually cares about me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like the curtains.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The curtains, they’re blue, that’s my favourite colour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thanks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked down the hall and into the guest bedroom that was currently serving as a makeshift living room. The space was pretty empty with the exception of two bean bags on the floor, and a tv propped atop a cardboard box.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The furniture is getting here tomorrow” Sarah laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat down. This entire meeting seemed forced, like they were both trying to be someone they’re not at the hope of preventing any form of embarrassment… or judgement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So…” Sarah looked at the ceiling, “Anything interesting happened recently?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” Luke replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really good at the whole talking to people thing, so sorry about that.” She said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, it’s okay, you don’t need to apologize. I suck at that too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both laughed. Genuinely, this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not to turn this into a middle school sleepover or anything,” The girl began, “but I think it would be fun if we played 21 questions-’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke almost jumped. It was happening all over again. Before he could say anything memories flashed through his head, the good, the bad, and especially the ones he wished he’d never had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t even heard what Sarah said after that sentence. He couldn’t; it was as if his body was frozen and the only part of him still alive was his brain which was trapped in an endless, torturous cycle of thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke? Luke?! Oh my god, are you crying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Great job, Luke you’ve done it again. When are you going to stop being a burden to every single person you meet?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry… Was it something I said?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He tried to speak, but no words came out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a hug?” Sarah asked not knowing what else to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a strange feeling, but he felt safe in her arms. It was almost like having a big sister there for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Sarah said as she pulled away from the hug, “I know last time you said you’d rather not talk about it, and I don’t want you to feel pressured to do so, but could you at least let me know what I said that upset you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to tell her everything. How a stupid game caused all of it, and how he lost his best friend… But Luke knew that once he started talking, there was no stopping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to do it regardless. After all, Sarah was his friend, and friends tell each other everything, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fucked up” He mumbled under his breath, “I should’ve never invited him to my house that day, and we never should’ve played that stupid game.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl nodded to let him know she was listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not the same anymore,” Tears welled up behind his eyes again, “He’s there, but it feels like I’ve lost him….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah put her hand reassuringly on Luke’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, everything’s going to be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cupped his own face in his hands, “But it won’t! I don’t know if I should even care about him. He’s been my friend for so long and I ruined everything. I messed up. It’s all my fault. I just want to be happy with myself and my life, but I- I just can’t. And it sucks because I’m trying so hard, I really am, but everyone just tells me to try harder. My best is never enough-” He was interrupted by his own sobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t speak for anyone else, Luke, but you’ll always be enough for me. I know we haven’t really talked much- Hell! I met you two days ago! But whenever you’re with me, I don’t want you to feel like you have to be someone else. You’ve always been, and you always </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> be enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They heard Ella’s voice coming from downstairs, “Sarah! That Nicole girl from the coffee shop is calling you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell her I’m busy!” She shouted back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke laughed, tears still gleaming against his skin, “Who’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Agh don’t worry about her, she’s just some annoying girl I met.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both chuckled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah seemed to remember something that caused her to roll her eyes, “Oh and she still owes me a pack of gum.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke laughed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously! I swear, It’s like she’s addicted to that shit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MIchael looked at his phone,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had two missed calls and three text messages.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cal: Are you coming to the studio today?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cal: We need to talk.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cal: Answer your phone!!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” Michael whispered to himself, turning off his phone and silencing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d spent the whole day contemplating how he was going to make things how they used to be, but deep down, he knew it would never be the same.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>IM SO SORRY BESTIES I PROMISE I'LL TRY TO MQKE THE NEXT CHAPTER LESS SAD. Anyways, thanks for reading!! If you like this story and want to show it some extra love, feel free to follow me on Wattpad :) Kudos, comments, and shares are appreciated!! I love y'all &lt;3</p><p>Wattpad: @therainbowbutterfly<br/>Instagram: @mscliffordtomlinson</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heyyyyy I'm sorry I took so long to update besties :( Writer's block is really going against me smh. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)</p><p>Song for this chapter: Cherry - Harry Styles</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sarah was over at Luke's house because they were going to attempt binge watching every marvel movie in chronological order in a span of just two days. They both sat on Luke's bed. Fighting over who got the remote control. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give it!” Luke waved his arms, trying to grab the controller from Sarah's hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed and held it over her head, “Come get it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached up, but like the clumsy little shit he is, he accidentally slipped and fell on top of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before they could say or do anything, the door swung open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Luke, I came to say that I’m really s- Oh my God-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Michael-” Luke burst out, sitting back up, “It’s not what it looks like-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I think it’s pretty fucking clear what it looks like! You say you like me and then bring a random girl home?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke scoffed, “Even if it were true, you told me that you’d never date me, and now you have a problem with me seeing someone else?!” Luke stood up, “Which I’m not even seeing! She’s just a friend!” he added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I think I should go…” Sarah said shyly</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“what? no! you haven't done anything wrong Sarah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m out of here.” Michael slammed the door behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael felt worthless. To think that this was all because of some stupid game, still baffled him. It seemed like every time he was finally ready to own up to his actions, something bad happened. In that moment, the only thing he wanted was to forget everything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It would be better that way </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought. He ended up going to a bar. After a few shots and a lot of drinks, his phone rang. It was Ashton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck have you been Michael?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- Umm-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are- Are you drunk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Michael, why are you doing this? It’s not worth it. Please take care of yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's better than being sad all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for now, but tomorrow you'll feel like shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael rolled his eyes and hung up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why do people always try to control my every move? And why is everyone against me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A girl sat down on the stool next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People suck.” Michael whispered to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it,” The girl next to him replied, “I just got dumped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that sucks… Had you guys been dating for a long time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a few months, but we’ve been friends for so long.” she sighed, “How about you? What brings </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't even know anymore… I think there's something wrong with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve always liked girls, but there's this friend of mine… I- I think I have a crush on him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, there's nothing wrong with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it doesn't make sense…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, It’s different for everyone, but I guess if you're really curious. you should embrace it. There's no shame in that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a brief moment of silence between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For me, at least,” The girl continued, “At some point I was a bit confused about myself, but, I tried experimenting a bit with a girl and it just wasn't for me. Maybe you could try something like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was an awkward pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why am I like this? Maybe it's my fault too… Everything is...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up and met her gaze, “Can-” his voice trembled, “Can you fix me?..Please?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl sighed, wiping a tear from Michael's cheek, “You don't need fixing,” She smiled, her eyes flooded with pity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were never broken in the first place.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay okay, so I'm sorry this chapter was so short. I promise I'll be updating more!! Comments, kudos, and shares are appreciated :) Feel free to message me through any of my socials!<br/>Instagram: @michaels_mullet_stan (fan acc) @shennen_is_a_penguin (main)<br/>Tumbr: @mscliffordtomlinson<br/>Wattpad: @therainbowbutterfly7</p><p>ps. I have a new story called "I See Stars" which is only available on wattpad so check it out!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave kudos :) I'm definitely gonna be writing chapter 2 soon, so let me know what you think. Follow me on Wattpad @therainbowbutterfly7</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>